The Food Nazi


Week 2 is over and I’m half expecting to sprout hairs on my chest and start shaving my back.

Maybe it’s the extra testosterone from consuming ridiculous amounts of meat, but I’m finding it hard not to feel pissed off all the time. Or, it might be the fact that every time I find some comfort in a food type, the Food Nazi comes along and takes it away.

I was left with an outline of ‘Must Have’s’ and ‘Avoid’s’ at the beginning of my program by my PT.

“It’s just to suss out how you go without dairy and processed carbs before the next Bio-Sig (fat) test”, he says reassuringly.

What he did not tell me was what an absolute pain in the ass it was to get good quality protein in a normal working environment where food court chips and burgers were the norm. And the fish oil burps…oh my god they are disgusting- I’ve almost thrown up in my own mouth because the lovely taste of fish came back up!

It’s caught me quite off-guard how protective I have been with my food sources.

I didn’t mind the yogurt being cut. Fruit was also relatively easy to write off, although these snacks have now been replaced in the afternoon by a steady consumption of Marie biscuits (which I’m sure he’ll cut off from my “acceptable” list soon).

The hardest thing I am finding is the elimination of protein shakes.

And bread, god I LOVE bread. EVERYTHING comes with bread. Saying no in the face of temptation has been freakin’ frustrating.

I was so happy when PT said I could have cereal post work out with a shot of protein powder. I swear that’s what he said, but apparently that’s not the case.

No cereal. No milk. No protein powder. Unless it’s with oats. But oats can’t be nuked.

Where in god’s name am I going to find a stove top in the office?!

Extremely curious to see the fate of my dwindling diet once I get past my next Bio-Sig. Hopefully my beloved cereal and I will be reunited once more, happily dancing in the life of regular bowel movements…


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